Mu
by ChairoftheBored
Summary: LxLight and LightxL. Monumental spoilers in the very first line! M for all sorts of debauchery  that is yet to appear . Kind of relationship-based.
1. Paradise

Disclaimer: I own Mu. *rimshot*

... because Mu means nothing. Ya get me?

* * *

><p><em>Take a walk through the land of shadows<em>

_Take a walk through the peaceful meadows_

_Don't look so disappointed!_

_It isn't what you hoped for, is it?_

Talking Heads - Memories Can't Wait

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1: Paradise<strong>

Since his untimely death, it had been pretty much business as usual for L. As in life, his death was spent slouching around indoors looking over evidence and getting creative with cake. He found it interesting that the afterlife should be like this; his own custom built world, a perfect reflection of everything that made him L. He'd already considered the possibility that the afterlife would be this way when he was alive, and frankly he was a little disappointed in the universe's capacity for originality. Still, knowing what lay beyond the grave was quite satisfying.

It wasn't a bad life. His tastebuds remained stimulated with a supply of seemingly self-replenishing sweets, and his mind mildly entertained with an exhaustive copyright library for all-time; he suspected a lot of historians might be very interested in some of the publications he had access to. But it wasn't heaven. No, he was pretty sure of that... How could it be heaven? He was here because he'd _lost_. He'd lost to Light Yagami. He wouldn't have minded so much if he'd been able to say that the best man won, but he was _Kira_, for God's sake. And he'd known it all along. But of course, true knowledge only comes with absolute proof. The way things had turned out in the end was, more than anything else, purely annoying. All he was left with was this useless anger – before, it would have been a driving force, motivating him to devote more of himself to the pursuit of justice; but now... now none of that was left. The concept of justice became defunct when you took it out of a populated area (Earth) and dumped it in a universe with one solitary inhabitant.

The first few months of L's death had been spent reacting accordingly to the fact that he was dead, but he had to return to a figuratively normal mindset some time. It was when the anger subsided that he really felt the sting of betrayal. And with betrayal came loss. There was no hiding from the fact that Light Yagami had comprised a huge portion of his life. In his time he had played many parts; rival, friend... and of course there had been something more between them. Whether it could be called love was irrelevant, L concluded. What it has been was an unavoidable fascination, an obsession. During their brief time together each was wrapped up in the other, their lives and fates interlocked.

And now he was gone. L had always been pretty convinced of Light's guilt so it hadn't been a _surprise_ to see him smirking down at him in his last seconds on Earth, but it hadn't exactly been pleasant either. It still _hurt_. And it didn't look like they would be seeing each other again; it didn't seem likely that Light would rock up here when he eventually did end up dying in the course of Justice, as was sure to happen; after all, this afterlife definitely wasn't Light's natural habitat as it was L's. There weren't even mirrors in every room. And of course there was the glaring possibility that Light would be ending up somewhere _different_, somewhere with considerably more fire and brimstone_._ Just the fact that L hadn't gone to heaven or hell didn't constitute hard evidence that they didn't exist.

But anyway, needs must. L had to assume he was going to be here forever with no-one to keep him company, so he couldn't afford to let himself be consumed by bitterness... while that might be fun for a year or so, he figured the further he let his mind slip down that slope, the harder it would be to claw his way back to (relative) normality. L decided he would prefer to avoid ending up like Miss Havisham.

So it was that L moved on. As much as a dead soul who endlessly wanders the hallways of an otherworldly mansion tailored to his every living need can move on, which is not that much; but under the circumstances he did a cracking job, because he was L. He reasoned that if he was stopping here for all eternity, it was the only proper way to conduct matters. So he was not expecting a visit from anyone in particular at any time in the foreseeable future.

Which is why he was so surprised that he was interrupted halfway through his breakfast of Frosties-and-custard by the most unhinged laugh he had ever heard, the sound of it percolating through the walls and seeping into every room.

* * *

><p>AN: For readers who don't know who Miss Havisham is, she's a character in Charles Dickens's novel Great Expectations who, having found out she'd been abandoned on her wedding night, decided she was going to stop all the clocks, never change out of her half-arranged wedding dress and never leave her dressing room. Needless to say, she ends up quite odd. I just think it's funny to imagine L in that position having been "abandoned" by Light.


	2. A New Arrival

**Chapter 2: A New Arrival**

Light. For a moment, nothing registered in L's brain. That voice filled his head, its significance lost to him in his shock – silently, he stood up and padded towards the source. The strains of insane laughter that drew him were beginning to sound more unstable, if that was at all possible. L faced the closed door that separated him and the newcomer, still and unheard in the dark hallway. The strange jumble of hoarse gasps, cackles and sobs reached him from the other side of the door. He opened it.

There was Light, lying on his back in the centre of the room. Still in the pose he had died in, L guessed. Upon hearing the sound of the door against the carpet, evidence of another presence, Light forgot to keep laughing and trailed off in a long, many-tiered breath which stuck in his throat when he turned his head to see that the presence was L.

Where he stood in the doorway, a thought reached L. Light was here.

L watched him. He wasn't doing anything, just lying there and looking at L expressionlessly. In fact, he was a picture of innocence. L almost shook his head. How _typical_ of Light.

L decided it probably couldn't do that much harm to go and say hello. He ambled over towards Light, who regarded him calmly.

L crouched over him and brought his face to within inches of Light's so that their noses were almost touching. L couldn't decide whether it was out of a desire to provoke Light or analyse him that he felt it necessary to go and invade his space and breathe in his air.

He searched Light's eyes - as expected, no further data was recovered.

Judging by appearances, he didn't seem to know how to respond to this situation. Maybe he didn't _understand_ this situation. Well, that would be... a natural reaction, L supposed.

Either that or he had already decided how he was going to respond and was scheming behind his poker face, calculating the best way to go about it. It didn't really matter. He couldn't do a lot of damage now that he was dead. Except perhaps to L. There was nothing he could do to salvage his Kira plan now, though L was willing to bet it wouldn't be for lack of trying.

Light still wasn't doing anything. He was so interesting.

So L continued to watch Light, mulling over his unexpected arrival. Things would be very different now. He had been wrong about his eternal solitude, apparently. He didn't know how he felt about it. Actually on second thoughts, his immediate reactions were interest, naturally, and _relief_. Yes, thought L. That seemed about right.

Then beneath him, Light sighed, shrugged and closed his eyes, blocking out the view of L's face.

L put his thumb to his lips. Of course, Light must have been very tired. He had been the same. Death really does take it out of you.

L sat back and arranged himself into his customary crouch. It was probable that Light recognised the hopelessness of the situation with regards to his objectives as Kira. Whether he would sit back and accept it or not was another question. Light, he knew, was a very determined young man.

Light's breathing became slower and deeper as he drifted off. To tell the truth, L was surprised. Clearly, Light trusted him enough to go to sleep while being stared at from mere inches away. Perhaps he thought L was a hallucination, which, to be fair, would not be a completely unreasonable assumption. Maybe he hoped that when he woke up it would all have been a dream. L smirked. Well, if that was true he was in for a disappointment. Yes, he was trapped here for all eternity for all either of them knew. With only L for company.

L placed a hand on Light's cheek and loomed over him once again, as if to...

"Didn't I tell you I would catch you in the end?" came the whisper.

* * *

><p>AN: "A New Arrival" is a really rubbish title. Anyhow I hope that was better than the chapter 2 I posted in the kink meme. Well, if you just so happen to have read both, please let me know your verdict. Of course, I would still appreciate your verdict if you haven't read the other version.


	3. The End

_This is the end!_

_Beautiful friend_

_This is the end_

_My only friend, the end_

_Of our elaborate plans, the end_

_Of everything that stands, the end_

The Doors – The End

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3: The End<strong>

The first thing Light saw upon waking was the same as the last thing he saw before he fell asleep. L's face, filling his view and leering very slightly. He blinked. It did not go away. Something needed to be done about this persistent problem.

"L." Light addressed the face.

L's face tilted to the side and responded, as if to defiantly confirm its existence. "Yes Light?"

"...What are you... doing?" _You are supposed to be dead._

L's face looked pensive. "Not much these days I'm afraid, Light. I'm dead you know. And _so are you_." This was uttered with a rather ghoulish inflection and an extra wide-eyed stare.

Light rolled his eyes. So he _was _dead. He had been hoping L wouldn't say that. Even L's unexpected survival would have been preferable. Inches above him, a leer was spreading across L's face. L really needed to brush up on his social skills. Had he just been sitting here on his own in the afterlife for all the time that had passed since his death?

..._Shit_. _This_ was the _afterlife_. And his experience of it so far had mostly been a close-up of L's face.

Light looked warily up at L.

He hadn't changed a bit. Light suspected this would still have been the case if he'd been alive, but it was still a noteworthy piece of information. In any case, L seemed to know what was what here. Light decided he should try and extract as much information from him as possible.

"So, L... could you outline for me, in clear, literal terms, exactly what is going on?" Light thought he already had a pretty good idea, but this was the kind of situation in which one feels it necessary to have things outlined in clear, literal terms.

"Of course, Light. I am happy to oblige!" L definitely needed to practise talking to people. "Well you see, you have, in fact, just died, in circumstances unbeknownst to me. And that was the end of _you_, my friend."

Light blinked.

"After you died, you woke up in the afterlife. There, you were met by me, who was not expecting you, may I add. Let me tell you something about the afterlife. I have found it to be very accommodating, because it seems to be tailored to me personally. I don't know how it will respond to your arrival, but I will be very interested to find out. I have been existing here all on my own since my untimely demise", said L mournfully. "But now _you've_ come to keep me company, I won't be alone any longer." He tapped Light on the nose as he said this.

Light narrowed his eyes.

"Furthermore, there is a rather more glaring aspect to the situation which seems to have escaped your notice", L continued. "You must remember that you are the one who brought about my death, and I think I am entitled to feel somewhat _wronged_. So, as your punishment, I've fastened you to the bed so I can have my way with you."

_What? _

Light was alarmed. "I'd noticed, _Ryuzaki, _but I hadn't seriously considered that particular motive – you're joking, right?"

L nodded. Light almost let out a sigh of relief.

"I am one hundred percent serious," said L.

_Oh, for fuck's sake... _

He should have expected that L would do something like this. He was clearly insane.

_Great._ He was at the mercy of a genius who was losing command of his mental functions, and to top it all off, he was _dead_. There was, of course, still the possibility that this was just what L wanted him to think; Light wouldn't have much trouble believing it, having become very well acquainted with supernatural occurrences, but there was the fact that Ryuk had specifically told him all humans went to Mu, or Nothingness, after they died. This didn't seem much like nothingness to him. Why on Earth would Ryuk lie? None of the reasons he could think of seemed very plausible.

Light's eye gave an involuntary twitch.

"L, let me go right now and we'll sort out this misunderstanding."

L deadpanned. "That suggestion is... _laughable. _This is not a misunderstanding. This is the end, my friend. For both of us. We could be here for... well, forever and ever, I should say."

Light really hoped that wasn't true. It was starting to look like he would _never_ get to be the God of the New World. But first things first, he had to escape L's grasp.

"L, you don't really want to do this do you?"

L nodded. "Yes I do, Light. I've missed you, you know."

Light felt the beginnings of panic settle in his chest.

"You must be aware that rape is very wrong. Has your continued existence here made you forget your ideals?"

L shrugged. "It's not so much that I've lost my ideals, it's just... I've had nothing to apply them to here. I am aware that now you're here, this is no longer the case, but I still maintain that you deserve to be punished." _Besides being dead,_ thought Light. "And anyway, on top of all that, I'm having a day off." He shrugged. "So there is really nothing you can do to dissuade me."

Light began to struggle. L paid him no mind; he wasn't finished. "I'm going to enjoy this very much, Light-kun. But you shouldn't worry; I will ensure that you do too."

That didn't sound very reassuring. Light struggled harder.

L withdrew his damned face for a few moments and Light heard him rummaging around in a drawer.

Neither did that.

L returned with, of all things, a syringe.

_Oh, God. _"You bastard! What the hell are you _doing_? Remove these restraints immediately!" Light thrashed and bared his teeth.

"Light, please keep still. I don't want to hurt you." L gestured at the syringe.

He grabbed a wrist and, without further negotiation, injected whatever substance the syringe contained into Light's bloodstream.

Light screamed in anger.

"How_ dare_ you? What have you done to me?"

L just smirked. "You'll see."

Light gave a hostile, frustrated growl. This was completely, irrefutably unacceptable. L would pay for this –

And sure enough, what L had done to him became apparent. As effects of the drug set in, Light's suspicions were confirmed. He was starting to feel drowsy and his breath was quickening; but more to the point, he was developing an erection.

He clenched his fists. This was not what he needed right now. He still had no idea what his next course of action was going to be, and he really didn't have the time, let alone the patience, for this. What he needed was some kind of plan, anything to ground himself – maybe his goals were still salvageable? Maybe he could somehow revive himself? If L ever even let him go, that was.

L sighed and brushed his hand down the centre of Light's torso ending at his pelvis, inducing a slight shudder. The shudder was derived mainly from feelings of horror. Light continued to fix him with a death glare as L removed his own clothing.

When fully naked, L swung his leg over Light's body, hovering over him on all fours. He nuzzled Light's neck and nibbled on his ear intimately.

"Light, you know... when I died and realised the probability that I would never see you again, I felt –" a wet tongue poked its way into Light's ear momentarily "- _disappointed_. I felt like someone left my cake out in the rain... and I'd never have that recipe again," L intoned wistfully.

"Oh, shut up!"

* * *

><p>AN: This chapter is quite goofy, isn't it. The more I write, the more it seems like I'm doomed to make all my stories into a bit of a piss-take. Oh well, it amuses me. I hope I didn't make L _too _strange, bearing in mind he's not had human contact for quite a long time (and I think a large part of it might be that he's deliberately trying to appear a bit mad to annoy Light).

And I didn't intend for L to be quoting Jim Morrison – that would be OOC (he does quote Donna Summer though) – I just added the lyrics later because... when I saw that they mention elaborate plans, how could I not? I had to miss the last line off though because not only do they look into each other's eyes again, but they do so at the beginning of this chapter. I'll shut up now.


	4. Despair

**Chapter 4: Despair**

Light despaired. It wasn't even worth bothering to evaluate the positives and negatives of this situation – he could confidently say that things were looking very, very bad.

L shimmied down the bed, drawing near to Light's crotch. Light closed his eyes and waited for it to be over. He heard more shuffling and felt L's weight move further towards the end of the bed, and – there was a slight spring as the weight disappeared. Light opened one eye, silently hoping L wasn't off retrieving some kind of horrific instrument to further aid him in his goal, or perhaps it really had all been a trick – L's face swam into view, looking very pitying.

"I think that's enough now." Without another word he set about removing Light's restraints.

The horror of impending rape lifted from his shoulders, Light's heartbeat started to slow, only to quicken again with rage. He shook his head. "You're disgusting."

L said nothing.

Light sat up. "You even _drugged _me!"

"I administered a placebo. The substance I injected you with was in fact harmless. You just liked it."

Light narrowed his eyes. "I'm not falling for that."

L shrugged. "No, I didn't expect you to. I did drug you."

"And you molested me!"

"Yes." L shrugged. "I told you I was having a day off."

Light was now hovering on the edge of the bed. He had used the time they'd spent talking to move into an advantageous attack position. He had something he needed to test out.

L didn't appear to be paying much attention to him. Light supposed he was probably much more aware than outward appearances suggested, but now was as good an opportunity as ever – he launched himself at L. L whipped round to defend himself, but that was only expected. Light was counting on him missing something – L would expect Light to go for his centre of gravity in an attempt to knock him off balance, when in fact Light was aiming slightly to the right of him – on his way past, Light was able to catch hold of L's upper arm and, utilising his own momentum, gave it a sharp twist.

_Crack._

Light landed ungracefully, eyes burning triumphantly._ Brilliant_.

L hobbled the few steps to the bed and sat down, shaken and breathing hard. He clutched at his broken arm, supporting it. Light stood up and sauntered over to where L was, leering down at him.

L gazed up at him balefully. "Light-kun!"

Light was about to throw a retort back at L when there was another cracking noise. Both their gazes were drawn to the source. L hissed as his arm seemed to be rearranging itself, Light watching with interest. A few more crackling, scraping sounds and the arm gave a jerk and L flinched. A stunned moment of silence passed and then L inspected his arm over with interest, moving it this way that and shaking it sluggishly.

"Hm. Interesting," said L uninterestedly.

Light suppressed a groan.

"Is it healed?"

"Yes." Stated L matter-of-factly. "That has happened before for very minor injuries I've sustained during my stay here. I didn't know for sure if the phenomenon would apply for more substantial injuries, but it would appear so... As for you, you can take this as evidence that you really are dead."

That was what Light had been afraid of. When he had thought about enacting his plan, he hadn't really expected it to yield any conclusive results.

The idea of being already dead does suggest that one can't die again, and a mythological or religious view of the afterlife suggests that once humans are dead, they exist there perpetually. For this to happen, said human, in whatever form they existed, would have to be indestructible; for example a human retaining their tangible flesh form would have to be immune to bodily harm. Since L and Light fell into this category, it had been possible to test to see if this was the case. A susceptibility to harm would have indicated a greater possibility that Light was not dead, but the actual outcome was a near guarantee of his deceased status.

If Light had been wrong and the afterlife hadn't provided them with indestructible bodies, then L would just have to had to make do for without the use of an arm for a little while. This would not have been problematic for Light.

Light sighed_. _The possibility remained that the healing had been due to some kind of supernatural intervention, but even though Light was accustomed to supernatural occurrences it was hard to imagine a situation in which broken bones rearranged themselves and set on their own _and_ they were still alive, unless perhaps they (_they_ if L wasn't in on it) were being deceived about their situation by some unknown entity with healing powers – the only supernatural beings whose existence Light knew of were shinigami. Light didn't have trouble believing in Ryuk's ability to hide such powers. Maybe Ryuk had prevented their deaths and dumped them in a fabricated afterlife, just to prolong his fun. It would probably be within the shinigami rules if he didn't kill anyone with the death note to do it.

Being dead seemed like the likelier option. After all, Light had watched L die, and felt the bullets ripping into his own flesh. And Light doubted Ryuk would ever be able to pull off such a scheme, or be willing to put the effort in for that matter.

L just sat there fixing Light with a blank stare and looking as if he hadn't just had his arm broken and then magically fixed.

Light wondered what would happen if either one of them was decapitated and whether he should try it on L.

* * *

><p>AN: The possibility that Ryuk has enacted some elaborate overarching scheme and they are actually still alive was actually a route I went down but then discarded – Ryuk got Rem to help him with parts of his plan (she has a reason for doing this but I won't go into it) and together they made off with L and Light just before they were about to die. Ryuk took the opportunity to snatch L off the roof, knocking him out, and Rem killed Watari at the same time so no-one would see the video footage of L flying away. As for Light, Ryuk healed his wounds but made him think the shots had killed him. Ryuk made them think they really had died and were in the afterlife using his shinigami healing powers (shocker) to support the theory about indestructibility that Ryuk knew L and Light would think of. Ryuk had been planning this scheme before he even dropped the notebook, and used the time he was separated from Light to accumulate an arsenal of useful tools in the human world to help him with his plan.

I didn't write this because it was contradicted by one sentence in chapter 1 (the one about Light smirking down at L when he died), it _was_ a bit far-fetched, and I think I thought of it too late. Should have written a plot to begin with!

Anyhow, it might be interesting to do a fic in which Ryuk is actually much cleverer than he appears because it's plausible enough – I think the only reason he doesn't pay attention and keeps asking Light to explain everything in canon is for the amusement value – Light is always very eager to relate things in an entertaining and dramatic way. Ryuk has no real need to bother using whatever brain power he may have seeing as he's only an observer.


	5. Challenges

**Chapter 5: Challenges**

Light avoided L for a few days after that. L didn't appear to mind; in fact he didn't appear at all. This gave Light sufficient opportunity to carry out a reconnaissance mission uninterrupted by that annoying poltergeist of a detective. A thorough inspection of the environment told him he was trapped in a house with a maze of exactly 314 rooms and 42 inbuilt cupboards. And he really was trapped – no matter how carefully he explored every possibility, there was no means of exit. Every door only led to another room, never outside, and every window was unnaturally strong; besides which the only view they presented was that of an unending sky that seemed to stretch on forever in all directions. No matter which vantage point Light looked at it from, there was never any trace of a recognisable landscape below, or even above for that matter. If was as if the whole house was just floating in the air. Light supposed he could probably fashion some kind of flying machine and chance it if he ever did find a way out, but, as he dispiritedly scanned each separate room for hidden exits, he seriously doubted that would ever happen.

There was the matter of the single locked trapdoor, though. That definitely warranted further investigation. The annoying thing was that, since no key had presented itself, he had no choice but to consult with L.

This was easier said than done. His housemate apparently didn't want to be found. After searching through every room only to have L elude him, Light began to wonder of he was even still there. Begrudgingly, he conceded that he would have to shout for the dead detective and see if he came when called.

He looked around him into the gloom. Unnamed portrait frames were all that stared back at him. No portraits, just the frames. This place was so spooky it almost scared him. He cleared his throat. The noise seemed out of place and was swallowed back into the quiet as quickly as it had kindled – he hadn't heard the sound of his own voice, or anyone else's for that matter, in days. It didn't feel right to be doing this – it felt like yelling in a stately home. He steeled himself before filling his lungs and uttering the syllable of the detective's name as loudly as he could into the silence.

"What is it, Light-kun? There's no need to shout like that – you'll wake the mice."

Light turned to see L standing a small distance behind him. To tell the truth, he was a little perplexed. "How exactly _did_ you do that, L?"

"Today, and for a short time the day before yesterday, I have been following you."

"I see."

"Now, before you ask me anything, I must insist that we relocate to a pleasanter area of the house. I will put a kettle on."

With that, he turned around and disappeared off down the corridor. Light glared and followed him wordlessly. To his annoyance, the extensive web of rooms was connected in seemingly the most illogical tangle anyone could possibly think of and he still hadn't been able to make sense of it, so he had no idea where they were heading.

After about 7 minutes of silent walking, they arrived at an ostentatiously pleasant living room with an adjoined kitchen. It somewhat reminded Light of the kind of hotel rooms L had favoured for meetings. L was already returning with a teatray by the time Light sat down. He guessed L had planned for this, then.

"So, Light. Are you sorry yet?" L asked in a completely serious tone.

"No." was Light's pre-programmed answer. "Though it is regrettable that killing you was the necessary course of action."

L had lost interest and waved Light's comments away, pouring himself a cup of tea and starting up a topic of his own;

"Light, I feel somewhat responsible for letting you get so agitated over the prospect of escaping from here when I have known all along that it is impossible. I tried everything myself when I first arrived. But I suppose telling you that wouldn't have deterred you anyway."

There was a pause in which L added sugar and seemed to decide he was ready to reveal the true purpose of the parley.

"That single locked trapdoor." Light's ears pricked up imperceptibly.

"I have the key." L stirred his tea nonchalantly.

Light was interested now. "Is that so."

"It is so. You can borrow it - if you please me."

Light let a slightly incredulous expression colour his features. "If I _please_ you? In what way?"

"Oh, just... show me how entertaining you can be. You're fun to be around, Light. Everyone always thought so. Quite simply, I'm bored and I want companionship. If you want the key, you will fulfil this role."

After a few seconds of perplexed musings, Light begrudgingly accepted. Spending quality time with L was the last thing he wanted to be doing. Apart from anything else, the guy had just recently played that very cruel and psychotic trick on him. The one concerning rape. If that was his idea of fun, then Light dreaded to think how he was meant to "please" him. Although, Light had a feeling L hadn't enjoyed that particular incident especially – specifically because he'd been trying to put forward an impression of enjoyment. But that was beside the point.

This was ridiculous. But while there was still hope, he had to chase it. He could always risk trying to steal L's key and forego the annoyance and humiliation of "pleasing" him, but he didn't even know of its location and if L caught him, he might withdraw the offer completely and the key would fall further out of reach.

Light sighed. "OK L, now that we're agreed on this, what sorts of things do you actually want me to do?"

L shrugged. "Oh, I don't know – I think you should get creative. You have to understand, I've spent what feels like a very long time without any external stimuli, so to speak. I was used to a fast paced life full of danger and challenges, things happening beyond my control –and then this! Can you imagine?" He said, deadpanning. "So, I would like you to surprise me."

* * *

><p>It was actually pretty difficult to come up with ways to entertain L. It was such a perverse request, and L was... L. How did one entertain L?<p>

L knew what he liked. Light knew some of these things. They were sweet things, winning and having allowances made for his contrary habits.

These things were easy enough. They played games of tennis and chess, allowing for the "winning" box to be ticked. Well, about half of the time. The sugar requirement was also easy to cater for. Light even baked a cake. (L had been right when he said this place was accommodating – they really had everything a human could ask for outside of things like freedom; cake ingredients, tennis courts and chess sets included.)

L remained bored throughout. Light wasn't really surprised. None of this was exactly unexpected. To tell the truth Light was disappointed with himself. He just couldn't think of anything that would satisfy L. He considered debating the notion of justice, but honestly it was a bit of a sore topic for both of them and he doubted they would be able to get anywhere with it anyway. The next obvious thing to try would be to learn a new discipline, perhaps a new language, or mastery of painting techniques; something like that... L had never actually expressed a real interest in of that nature anything outside of the Kira case, so it was all game territory. But Light had a feeling these too would fall flat. He doubted he was going to uncover L's hidden passion for baroque music or whatever it might be. He needed a different tack – he needed to truly surprise L.

Light didn't blame himself for the plan that had started to take shape in his mind. Bastard had it coming.

* * *

><p>AN: Sorry that, after taking a long time to arrive, this chapter is mostly waffle and contains no smut.

If you were wondering why L tells Light he is going to wake the mice, well - my auntie used to tell me I was going to wake the mice when I made too much noise when I was small. ...So that is the origin of that! As far as I know, if any mice live there L probably isn't too preoccupied with ensuring that they are well rested.

Oh yeah and sorry I said smut was up next in the author's note of the third chapter. That was, evidently, not true. But it'll happen.


	6. Conspicuousness

**Chapter 6: Conspicuousness**

To tell the truth, the idea had been there from the moment L laid down his ridiculous proposition.

"Please me, Light." That was what he'd said. Had he known how it sounded, or was he just socially retarded? Light had no doubt that both statements were true.

Anyway, there was no doubt in Light's mind that he was going to have to sleep with L. The most disturbing thing about it, though, was that he was sure this just was what L expected, and he _hated_ to go down that route. Light always felt a nagging discomfort if he was any less than two steps ahead of his competition. That was why L made him so uncomfortable.

As for the prospect of sex itself, well, just because Light hated L didn't mean he was completely sexually repulsed by him. He was undeniably interesting. If you looked at the situation realistically, it was bound to happen sooner or later. Having died a virgin, Light didn't plan for the rest of his existence to be as devoid of sexual goings-on as his life had been.

There were many different approaches Light could take. He had a feeling, though, that L was expecting Light to try something akin to his own display just a short time earlier; something that would perhaps involve bondage and very dubious consent. It would be characteristically forward of him. But this was the very reason that Light wasn't going down that road (though he had half a mind to). He would do his best to contradict L's smug predictions. It made him feel better.

So, Light resolved to be a gentleman. He planned to seduce L in characteristically classy fashion. This didn't mean taking him on dates (which wouldn't work very well in their present situation anyway) or giving him presents. This was L, a man who probably wouldn't think anything of it if the accepted method of establishing romantic connections was asking people for sex via a strongly worded email. No, Light was just going to pick the right moment and make a move. Maybe not so classy as straightforward, then. But L might appreciate that. Only time would tell.

As it turned out, Light decided it was best to wait a few days until he went through with it. It would give him time to observe L in a new light and engage in some hint dropping. He couldn't resist taking advantage of certain opportunities – like whenever he was handed a cup of tea by L (the only thing L ever bothered to do for _him_ was make unnecessary cups of tea), he would brush his fingers in a little too sensual a way to be overlooked, and sometimes when they talked he would choose a certain moment to let his gaze linger a fraction too long on L's lips as he talked.

If L got the hint, which he obviously did, he was awfully quiet about it.

As Light gazed deep into yet another cup of tea, he let his mind wander aimlessly, in much the same fashion as he himself had been doing, really. He took a large sip and felt the way the hot liquid travelled down his throat, then his oesophagus, then lost track of it as it was swallowed up into the conundrum of his digestive system. He had no idea where it went after that. It certainly wouldn't be making a reappearance. In this respect, he had become just like Ryuk – consuming but never... well yeah. Having become so used to the process, Light found that he missed it a little bit. He entertained the idea that everything he ate or drank was magically regenerated and this was how their stockpile of sustenance never diminished. If that _was _true, then a lot of this stuff had probably been through L. Light didn't like that idea. He decided to steer clear of sugary items even more so than usual.

L stared at him from the other end of the couch.

"Is something the matter, Light-kun?"

Light decided not to disclose what had brought on the grimace. He sighed and did his best to exude an air of wistfulness, which was not something that befitted him.

"Nothing specific."

L slurped his tea attentively.

"Though, I guess there wouldn't be any harm in talking to you..." Light knew an opportunity when he saw one.

"Well... I've been thinking about the fact that I'll never see my mother or sister again."

It wasn't hard to inject a little sorrow into his voice. It was true – he _did _miss them. He was capable of coping with it – after all, his own father had died as a result of one of the many "nuances" of the grand Kira scheme. Sometimes, the thought that he was the dead one and not them made it easier, but then he remembered that he was Kira and obviously, the world was a lot worse off without him. Realistically, it could have carried on as usual without his mom and Sayu.

"Oh, of course. I'm sorry." L didn't look very sympathetic.

Light shot him a resentful look. "Thanks."

They sat there in silence for a while, Light swirling his tea mournfully. He sighed and placed it on the adjacent coffee table, uninterested. "I'm bored."

L offered no comment.

Light shrugged and made to curl up on his end of the couch. Slovenly behaviour such as this didn't seem quite so alien to him now that he was here – he no longer felt any incentive to present himself as the polite young man he had once been when L was the only one there to see it.

He lay down with his head on the headrest, his feet pointed towards where L sat. He made an incoherent mumbling noise that was meant to signal that he was tired and depressed and he wanted to go to sleep. L calmly looked on while Light went through an entire routine of pretending he couldn't get comfortable, shifting his position and grumbling every few minutes. Eventually, he sat up fully, looking rather fraught.

"I can't get comfortable on this couch."

"So it would seem." L indulged.

"Would you mind putting your legs down so I can lie down properly?" Here, Light deployed a very subtle use of puppy-dog eyes.

"I could just move if you like, Light-kun."

"Oh no, I wouldn't ask you to leave just so I can lie down!"

As if that was completely unthinkable. L would have rolled his eyes if he'd been the kind of person to do so.

"Of course." L said tiredly, and lowered his feet to the ground. There went 40% of his brain power. (He smirked mentally. As if.)

Light nodded his thanks and promptly stretched himself out on the couch so that his head was resting in L's lap. He was careful not to meet the detective's eye while he did this – it wasn't that he'd he deliberately implied he merely wanted to use L's lap as a footrest, more that he'd allowed the assumption to go unchecked. It was probable that L had seen through him anyway, so wasn't like it mattered. They both knew this whole thing was only a game.

L's lap _was_ kind of comfortable.

* * *

><p>AN: Sorry it took so long. While writing this chapter, I briefly tried listening to piano music and typing as if I was actually playing along, to see if it would make me write faster. It did not, obviously.

The next chapter should follow in relatively quick succession, because I was wondering whether to merge this chapter and the next anyway. Halloween is my deadline. (This doesn't mean it'll be Halloween themed, though.) Oh yeah and remind me not to commit to titling my chapters next time.


End file.
